I have been “Communing with Death”, following the path of a beloved End of Life Doula, named Margaret. I began contemplating my own death after listening to her podcast about creating a death playlist, which I enthusiastically curated right after listening. 

Over the past few months, I have processed my life, as it was, along with the identities (ways of being) I created during that journey. I completed my life, through the experience of “processing” my life, death and legacy wishes. 

I am being guided, for  my own experiential learning of death, through a course called, Communing with Death. It’s  led by a beautiful end-of-life doula who taught me many things. 

There is so much to learn inside death,
the one inevitable thing about life. 

There’s so much for me to learn, by being curious about the impermanence of being. 

As I reflect… Eileen, Dianne, Nina, each chose to bring me into their experience of physical death and spiritual transformation. Through those experiences, I learned how to shape my own experiential death (without even leaving my body). We’re together now and all the winged ones are expressing themselves very loudly to say, “ We’re all here together now. We are sharing this message collectively. Even though I am the one speaking, the learning has been for all of us.”

Wrapping up my life and looking back on my path and my story: what I’ve created, things that I’ve done, relationships that I have, areas of attachment or neglect. 

I opened my journal today to a random page back in 2023 when I was deeply invested and focused on my healing journey. I was rebirthing then. I had written this: 

Remember that the fetal period is as much of an experience of the soul as any other period of life. It’s an experience that you have programmed and experienced for yourself.

The process of rebirthing is to go back into that non-conceptual space to experience the way in which those patterns were set, that later you elaborated on with your conceptual structures.

Go back and feel those patterns in a pre-conceptual space.

It’s useful in getting the personality clearer, lighter, and more aligned, or getting to be more friends with your neuroses. This is a useful method.

Ram Dass

There’s such truth in this! I wrapped up my life and went into the Bardo space (the space between death and rebirth). It’s a dark void: a space of non-attachment and non-permanence.  I created this experience for one week, to ‘unplug’ from the grid (all contact and social/ communication applications). It was Trinity River and myself : back into a “womb” space, to discover the patterns that I originally set. 

Wow, did I see the patterns! Over the course of one week, I was able to circumvent those patterns. Making friends with my neuroses (allowing parts of me that have been suppressed and shut down) a space to be self-expressed… was the most joyous, beautiful life experience I could have ever created for myself. I was able to recover and reclaim my parts, allowing all of my aspects to be home, in my body. Mother Earth and I worked together, alchemizing energy, as I released the old and called in the new.

I chose to rebirth on 2/22, my Mom, Dianne’s birthday. We are now living, through unconditional love, holding the ‘seen’ and ‘unseen’ worlds. Here’s a gift, from our quantum entanglement, a 222 portal activation.

I also made this video for Nina to commemorate and honor her life and her teachings. Her transition day was three years ago. What a gift and an honor to be on this side of our journeys. Having retrospect, wisdom and personal knowing… are eternal gifts. 

This video is in honor of Nina.

This video brings relevance to our work together. This is my ‘why’.

Community Share: Now Offering ONLINE Self Discovery Dive (commune with your own ‘inner parts’) – booking link

UP NEXT: OSTARA- Monthly community calendar, moving from self to cooperative.

I love how each Sabbat anchors me into this time and space. It’s such a special time to reflect on Imbolc, of increasing daylight, to be gestating our dreams from the Universe, into reality. 

• I honored Lunar New Year by holding an intention circle with a group I weave my dreams with. I envisioned gracefully slithering out and away from my past. 

• I honored Imbolc by gathering in a circle of women. We pulled cards and set our intentions for the year. We received unified unconditional love and wove our intentions into form.

For me, this is an historical time of release and a time of recurring transformations.This is the time of year when I separated from my Mother, when I felt reconnected with spirit and when I was initiated into death.  

Now, I am approaching my own death and transformation- consciously releasing the identity I was born into, in this lifetime. I am working with a Death Doula and following The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, which is a TV series on Peacock. 

February 14 marks the date of my transition. I will have completed the journey of “Communing with Death” an experience for my own learning. It has allowed me to: reflect on the past and what I am putting to rest; “clean up” all that I have created; intend the legacy I leave by stewarding my path as an ancestor to my future generations.

The skin I am releasing:

My early experiences of separation from my mother, learning to regulate my body and nervous system on my own. By age three, I experienced a split between ego and soul regarding trust in my father. By age six, I began experiencing distortion in my inner voices, and by age nine, I struggled to express my voice, any time I was feeling unsafe. My only “safeguard” was full submission to oppressive acts.

I learned ways to block the voice of my inner light and experience myself as separate. 

I repeated patterns of separation through unfulfilling relationships, first with my father and then with each love connection, thereafter. My need for safety created unhealthy attachments that I used as evidence of being “trapped” inside of a controlled reality.

After separating from two abusive relationships and my business, with many attached relationships, I experienced an ego death. This led to further self-discovery journey: I enrolled myself into self-transformation courses where I began to seek reflection of my unconscious patterns. This journey, from head to heart, has brought me into my sadhana of death and re-birthing.   

As I witnessed the loop of distortion patterns I created through experiences of separation, I also realized my personal responsibility in reconnecting aspects of my fragmented soul. I have healed those patterns through compassion, peace and unconditional love. Now, I wish to create and serve humanity from that space.

Little did I know that I was preparing myself, spiritually, to hold space for transitions and experiences of transformation. 

The only way for me to hold that space is to embody all of my parts at the center of my being. As I go deeper into this space, I am processing a release of my current identity. I will be spending time in nature, along the Trinity River, honoring connection while being detached (simulating a “bardo” which refers to the state of the soul between death and rebirth). 

Read more, in my own self-written eulogy: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mmVB1TJ1QVxdWKJgyxLLNyPvBAa89VNuxZ4eU2kXruQ/edit?usp=sharing

As I leave this skin behind, I am seeing patterns releasing and new patterns emerging in front of me. A family in my community is going through a situation similar to my earliest trauma. There was abuse from the father, the mother is unstable and the children are traumatized from what they have witnessed and the waves of transitions that follow like aftershocks. 

The deepest, most tender and vulnerable part of me is asking for attention. I am no longer attached to the suffering of others. However, I am committed to transformation and I have come to know (and respect) a family who needs support. Please help me support her cause, through Trinity Peak Foundation. 

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Together, we can make a difference.

Human kind, BE kind humans

Until I am rebirthed, know that I have come to love life and all of its polarized possibilities. I am deeply human, one with the Earth. I rise, I fall and I rise again. I am at peace. 

TAROT from Kuan Yin shows us the divine power and gift of the circle of women that surrounds us. We are aligned and supported through all connections and relations, from the stars to each form. 

UP NEXT: OSTARA- intentional space for transformational journeys. I can’t wait for you to join me as we regulate together, from: suffering to freedom. 

I stand at a cross- with perspective from where I’ve been, where I could go, and the path forward.

As I step onto the dry, sandy Earth….

As I breath the foggy cloud layer…

As I sit and contemplate what is to grow here….

I dream of flowers, birds and bees.

I dream of sun filled days and muddy knees

Of water running through rocks into ponds

Sprinkled with twinkles from fairy wands

As I plan the ways of the water…

As I draw the map of the garden…

I dream of children, giggles and hugs

I dream of centering, talking and caring

Of nature, animals and humankind

Giving thanks and learning to unwind

~ Remembering my dharma