I started my yule time after consciously releasing any attachment to my father. Burning and chanting have brought me deep into this release, allowing me to see past the pain of my earthly father and into the love of my eternal Source energy.
Somewhere along my life journey, I collapsed the faith, love and trust for Source with my Father’s relationship. (Not only his beliefs but my reactions to them).
As I have been deep in my “hibernation period” of Yule, I cleared and created a “nesting” space for me to freely create. I went through my writing ritual to call in guidance. Today, I called in my Mom (I used the board that Dana’s mom got for us a couple of Christmases ago) by painting her name in water. She loved it when I called her mom so I wrote “Mom” on the board.
I’m in such honor for her today to be in this space… where everywhere I look around me, I see her signs.
- My grief box that helped me deal with deep emotions.
- Her wolf pack needlework (that came in two pieces: I gave the other part to Michael and Dona as our “awareness” leaders, directed by my mom).
- Her blanket that I placed beside her when she was in the death portal (that she hand made). I used it to beautify her space during her transition, before calling in all the grandchildren to be with her. (I’ll be using her assistance, and Nina’s, as they both showed me the power of Reiki during their transitions)
- Her plaque that used to hang in her home titled People. People are like glass windows. They glow and sparkle when it’s sunny and bright but when the sun goes down their true beauty is revealed only if there’s a light from within.
I didn’t understand my mom and her capacity for spirituality because I had enmeshed spirituality with religion (when she denied religion, I believed she denied Source). After she passed, however, I was able to see how spiritually gifted she truly was. All of her books about spirituality, how she cared for, and protected herself. She showed me how she cared for her home and how she cared for the land. How she worked in harmony (to the best of her abilities) around my dad. She taught me how to create safe boundaries. Despite feeling down, she was able to be vulnerable about feelings of pain and loneliness. She showed me how to love my Dad (from a distance). I am with her as I write this letter, from a state of peaceful freedom.
So, about yule time…. this time of slowing down and connecting. of going deeper, deeper than our outside (selves) and into the inside (self).
I feel like I was forced to slow down and go deeper by contracting Covid, with my family. Luckily, we were (first) able to celebrate Christmas with our children and grandchildren (10 beautiful beings) and notice that we have doubled our expansion in the past two years!
I am discovering myself experiencing life newly, as I step into a new calendar year and into my day of birth (Jan 2). This is the time of year when I was born, and (subsequent to my traumatic start in life) this time of year is when I’ve been dysregulated and (typically) in crisis.
This year, I celebrated (in silence) the 2 year anniversary of me becoming so dysregulated that I ended and disembodied that I had to end old family cycles and finally get the help I needed.
I felt blindsided, this year too, with the sickness and all the “family patterns” all around, my skills and abilities weakened…. with no structure and way to keep my mind focused.
I was noticing my perseverating thoughts around feelings of disconnection.
I leaned on tools of connection with nature and babies, water, time by myself with privacy, prayer practice, movement, and journaling.
When emotionally regulated I can easily flow, in service to others.
From self-regulation to co-regulation. As we experience co-regulation, we are able to create a cooperative world. We are a rainbow, each of us from an individual space.
Together, we are lighting up our world!
Speaking of community co-regulation… I’d like to invite you to Dance Church. I self and co-regulate my nervous system, in community. We move our bodies, releasing stuck energies and feeling renewed, each week! Check out our FB page at Dance Church Encinitas or go to our website at www.dancechurchencinitas.com
TAROT: Chinnamasta
Disconnecting from heavy emotional states as I emerge, anew.
UP NEXT: Imbulc
I’ll be opening up my healing room for Reiki, sound healings and moon ceremonies. I can’t wait for you to join me as we regulate together, from emotional states of feeling: isolated to cooperative.
Trinity Peak Foundation 